Listen up all you hateful little Germans, because I'm only going to say this once: don't talk smack about American sports just because you lack the ability to comprehend its brilliance.

Look at this guy. This guy is the würst. This guy further proves my point that the internet should be taken away from Germany. I know it would render the title of "World Wide Web" incorrect, but I watched the Democrat and Republican conventions, so I'm confident that no one will actually be fact checking the claim.

Why is it called football Hans? Because we named it football. Don't come into our house, via stream, and try and tell us how to name our pass time. Apparently you Germs have never had a delicious bowl of Apple Jacks either. Why is it called Apple Jacks? Because we're American, and we fudgin' said so! And let me fill you in on something else there Hansel, that game you guys are playing on that "pitch," that's called soccer. I don't care if you named it first, its been renamed and you have to deal with it. Why soccer? Because Kickball was taken.

So listen, Franz, I get your confusion. You're a simple minded man, with simple tastes and small dreams. That's admirable, I can respect that. Just do me a favor and talk about what you know. I don't burst onto YouTube running my mouth about German Trance music, and how it shouldn't be called "trance music" it should be called "suicide music" because it makes me want to kill myself, so I don't understand why you need to breakdown your qualms with our great game. Stay mum on the topic, and we're all good. Sind Sie in Ordnung?

Oh, by the way, are those Beats By Dre headphones?