Phish is in town tonight for the first of three shows at SPAC. Let's hope no one ODs and let's keep the arrests to under 20 people. Here are some tips for surviving a Phish show:

1-Don't share a joint from some dude who passes it unless you don't care that horse tranqs may be part of the deal.

2-Yes, the girl who's dancing alone twirling has slept with any dude willing to drive her home.

3-Imagine a world where taste does not exist. You're in it.

4-Bring a Nerf gun and shoot at the A-hole who keeps standing up in front of you. If you're not on the lawn bring some itching powder and put it down their backside when the jerk in front of you is jumping around.

5-If you're going to buy acid, please know that you will have a blast but not remember anything about the show or have a bad trip and end up in Saratoga Hospital with a tube down your throat.

6-Don't try to sell Trey drugs. He's clean now.

7- Trip the people dancing in the F-%$ken aisles for blocking your view.

8-Tell the person next to you who's singing so loud that you can't hear the band that you did not pay big $ to hear them sing and to shut their pinhole.

9-Don't go to the show. Ok that's lame.

10-Don't tell the park police they are no more than mall cops. They are and will put your ass in jail.

11- Don't be the douchebag in the picture.