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Nine Things That Have Happened Since The Last Time The Jets Scored A Touchdown

Last Time the Jets Scored a Touchdown
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The New York Jets have gone the first three weeks of the preseason without scoring a touchdown, prompting many to predict their demise. I’m not going to go that far given that the games are meaningless, but the last time the Jets scored a touchdown was January 1 against the Miami Dolphins. That’s nearly eight months without reaching the end zone, including the offseason. Here’s a list of things that have happened since the last Jets touchdown.

Five Major Sports Teams Have Won Championships

The Miami Heat (NBA), New York Giants (NFL), Los Angeles Kings (NHL), Kentucky Wildcats (NCAA Basketball), and Alabama Crimson Tide (NCAA Football) have all been crowned champions since the last time the New York Jets punched a ball into the end zone.

Penn State Football Collapsed Onto Itself

Penn State was starting to feel the effects of the Jerry Sandusky child abuse scandal before the Jets last scored a touchdown, but the ball really got rolling after their final score of last season, a 10 yard touchdown pass from Mark Sanchez to Patrick Turner. Jerry Sandusky was convicted and sentenced, Joe Paterno had his reputation torn to shreds by the Freeh Report, and their best player (HB Silas Redd) left the program.

We Landed On Mars

Since the Jets last scored a touchdown, scientists have put a rover on Mars. The Curiosity Rover has been exploring the planet and sending images back to Earth on a fourteen minute delay, nearly as large a delay as it requires Mark Sanchez to read through his progressions.

The Olympic Games

Athletes from all over the world gathered in London for the Olympic Games earlier this month with the hope of earning gold in their respective sports. The United States alone won 104 medals, nearly five times the amount of points the Jets have mustered this preseason.

Chad Johnson Got Married, Then Divorced

The artist formerly known as Ochocinco married Evelyn Lozada, headbutted her, and the two were divorced just forty days later. The last Jet touchdown was 240 days ago.

Terrell Owens Got Signed, Then Released

Terrell Owens had a shot at a career revival with the Seattle Seahawks, but was released three weeks later after being ineffective at the wide receiver position. His tenure of three weeks (21 days) matches the Jets point total through three preseason games (21 points).

Lance Armstrong Lost Seven Tour de France Titles

The US Anti-Doping Agency stripped Lance Armstrong of his seven consecutive Tour de France championships last week, while the Jets were watching game film of themselves not scoring touchdowns.

Two Horses Won the Travers Stakes

While the Jets were busy losing games two horses, Golden Ticket and Alpha, crossed the finish line at the Travers Stakes in Saratoga at the exact same time, both winning the race.

Roger Clemens Made a Comeback at Age 50

Despite being fifty years old, Roger Clemens has had a more successful 2012 than the New York Jets. The Rocket threw 3.1 innings and didn’t allow a run for the Sugar Land Skeeters in the Atlantic League of Professional Baseball. Maybe Tim Tebow should take some throwing lessons from the ancient right hander.

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