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Super Bowl Pizza Toppings

One the biggest parts of a Super Bowl feast is PIZZA here is how I rank the toppings, and also a list of toppings just to avoid….

Here are the top 5 in both the meat and vegetable categories, as well as some things to avoid. Stick to my hit list and you will have the best pizza possible for the big game

Meats

Meat
Sean Gallup, Getty Images

Pepperoni- Is the most widely accepted topping of pizza next to sauce and cheese, 90 percent of people looking at this will easily say that pepperoni is the most popular topping on the planet. It’s the I Pod of pizza, not as good as some others (like the Microsoft Zune) but people just don’t know any better.

Bacon- Are you kidding me, I can’t describe how good bacon and onion pizza, bacon and pepperoni, bacon and bacon pizza are but just trust me. Bacon is the “be all end all” of man toppings on pizza. I once ate a bacon wrapped quarter, like hell I wouldn’t down a bacon covered pizza.

Sausage- Sausage is bacons little brother, comes from the same place and is good in his own right but just isn’t bacon. He is kind of like Stephen Baldwin, He is no Alec, but at least he gave us “Bio Dome”.

Baldwin
Michael Loccisano, Getty Images

 

Ham- If sausage is the Stephen Baldwin, ham is the Billy. It’s ok with a host of other talents but no one wants an all ham Pizza. It would be like seeing an Andy dick one man show; he is 5th banana at best.

Chicken- Stay with me here it’s the wild card of Pizza. It can be the basses of any amazing pizza (IE. BBQ Chicken Pizza, Buffalo Chicken Pizza, and Chicken Parmesan Pizza) the topping is the universal topping you just forget about. Just Like you always for get the “South Park Movie” was nominated for an Oscar.

Vegetables.(Vegetables are tricky, a lot of people dislike all vegetables on their pizza in general)

VEG
Scott Olson, Getty Images

Mushrooms- This is definitely the biggest crowd pleaser that comes from the garden. People will just eat a whole pile of the delectable little veggies. Well at least until someone reminds everyone that it’s a fungus that grows on poop. Up and till that point everyone is down right happy to be eating the fungus right from the poop pile.

Black Olives- Love them or hate them these guys are big all over the world. The strong flavor and the sodium make them a pizza game changer; the flavor will be enhanced by these little guys. Olives leave their mark on everything for better or for worst. Kind of like Peyton Manning,

Green Peppers- These guys enhance meat like beer enhances a Dane Cook comedy album (the guy just isn’t funny when your sober). The oils just mix nicely with the grease form pepperoni. They go together better then Starsky and that other guy who was his partner ahh  I don’t know. Peppers are one of my top favorite… O Hutch, Starsky and Hutch, o man am  I an idiot.

Onions- Onions can ruin a pizza with their over powering flavor, but they can also make the right combination of toppings pop, like when rappers use auto tune. Bacon and onions is like heaven is tap dancing on your tongue, Chicken Bacon Ranch with onions  is like getting a back rub by a 1000s butterflies, and BBQ chicken with onions will make you ummm…. ummm… lets just say you’ll need a change of pants.

Jalapeño Peppers- This spicy delight will make your party goers feel like they are living on the edge with out leaving your living room. This pepper provides them with a sense of adventure with out making them vomit fire out their mouths (or worst out something else) like other hot peppers. It’s the right level of spice and fun for the party; it’s like having Averill Levin over, looks dangerous but really just family fun. Anything hotter is like having Lindsey Lohan over (lets just say have toilet paper and 911 on stand by).

Lindsay Lohan Surrenders
David McNew, Getty Images

 

Stuff to avoid

Fruit- No one wants fruit on their pizza so keep your pineapple and what ever the hell else you had in mind to your self.

Fish- anchovies don’t just ruin the slice they are on, they ruin everything with 15 feet of the crappy little fish. Keep them far far away from the food table unless you feel like steam cleaning your rugs.

Anything nontraditional- get cute on your own time, this is game day not a time for flee flickers and hail marries. Keep it simple and people will love it, but you start putting peanut butter on pizza people are gonna get uneasy and recommend that next year they all to someone else’s house, well all but you. So leave the peanut butter for when your home all alone and no one can see.

Word of Advice

Any pizza isn’t pizza. It depends who makes it and if you want to reach out try over 30 different pizza shops all in one day, you got to go to “Pizza Wars”. As a fat guy I know there is nothing worst then ordering a pizza from a new place and it showing up tasting like the fat kid from the “Goonies” farted on it. Here is some info on the best 3 dollar insurance policy for your Super Pizza Party on the planet. Make Sure to Head to “Pizza Wars 2011” at Proctors Theater in Schenectady this Thursday, February 3rd. Tickets are just 3 bucks for all you can eat pizza from 5pm to 930Pm (kids under 3 are free). And you will even have a chance to win a Flat Screen T.V. and a Pizza Party from the Winner of PIZZA WARS! Sample all night long  its brought to you by DeNooyer Chevrolet, Sundrop soda and GEICO. Some come down and try 30 different Pizza places and vote for the best Pizza  in the capital district.

Pizza Wars 2011

Proctors

Thursday, February 3rd

5pm to 9:30pm

Over 30 pizza vendors

$3 per person (3 and under free)

Sample all night long

Sponsored by DeNooyer Chevrolet, Sundrop soda and GEICO

Vote on the best pizza in the capital district

Register to win a flat screen TV, recliner and Super Bowl pizza party from the winning pizzeria

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