Winter Weather Advisory
Living in upstate New York, I often wonder why we panic like the movie “2012” every time we get snow. It’s just snow people, not the apocalypse. So here are my 5 ways to survive a snow storm in style.Grocery shop: don’t be a crazy old lady and by seven cases of water and enough Cup-O-Noodles to feed an army of John Goodmans. Walk in pick up some nice cuts of steak, a bag of rock salt, a 12 pack of high end beer, and paper plates (who wants to do dishes). After this make sure to ask the cute cashier if she needs a place to hold up through the storm.
Strike First: fire up the BBQ and toss the fine stakes (which you probably got a discount on from hitting on the cashier) on the grill and head to the front steps. Grab the bag of rock salt, and salt the hell out of your steps – make those steps look like the last pretzel in the bag. The worst thing about snow is shoveling out so you might as well give yourself a fighting chance to wake up and not slip break your tailbone getting the paper. Why would you get the paper anymore anyhow?
Set Up Camp: right about now your steaks should be needing a flip and you should be needing a drink. So go flip that steak on the grill and pop one of those nice beers into your mouth. Head to your living room and make sure you have a place to take shelter, turn on the news so you can watch endless videos of people in ditches.
Look for Survivors: now is when you call every female on your phone to get one over to your snow camp in your living room. Let’s say the cashier comes over cause her drive is too far and you seemed like a nice enough guy. When she arrives offer her a ration of fine steak and imported beer, she’ll instantly know she made the right call.
Occupy Your Time: now that you’ve eaten a strong meal of meat and beer and you have a pretty lady friend you need to fill the time. I recommend a movie, specifically “The Patriot” featuring Mel Gibson. Let’s face it – its got enough action and a good enough love story to make you both happy. If she gets board she might try to fill her time in another way. Wink Wink.
So I hope you can get through this winter storm emergency with my tips remember the list of what you need. Steak, salt, beer, and ladies. If you have all that, you should be all right.