The Vikings Temporary Stadium
After last weeks collapse at the Mall of America Metrodome, the Vikings are the Randy Quaid (Homeless and Drunk)of the NFL. Here is their plan to get out of it, and its not claiming Hollywood is gonna murder them in a drug fueled rage.
First off, when did the good old triple H turn into the Mall of America Metrodome? First you get Target Field now This Mall of America crap, where do the Minnesota Wild of the NHL play, 7-11 Rink. Come on Minnesota name your venues like the rest of the country, after failing banks.
That said the Domes roof still looks as sad as Alex Trebek with out a mustache, so the Vikings begged Minnesota University to use their brand newTCF Bank Stadium. There are just a few problems.
No Beer- Did I mention there are no beer taps at TCF Bank Stadium? The University doesn’t sell beer during Gopher games in fear that kids would enjoy their college experience. No beer at an NFL game is like a bar with no women. Why did I even leave my house?
Concession stands aren’t built for the cold- So you come to terms with the fact you can’t get a beer, so you’ll just dump a little Captain in some cola. You ask for a soda, but all the pipes to the concession stand are frozen cause who would of thunk that it gets below freezing in MINNESOTA!!!!!!
Not enough seats- So you head back to your seats drinking nothing but your own salty tears of sobriety, when you realize there are no seats. The Vikings have sold out this game, the problem is they sold it out at the Metrodome that seats 63k, and now they are playing at TCF Bank Stadium that seats 50K and has less seating in the stand luxury boxes every where. Making seats harder to come by then a movie that test Jennifer Aniston’s acting ability. Well you can stand and your used to the cold……
-18 with wind chill- O YAH BABY! We are talking Tom Coughlin face freezing cold. We are talking so cold that if you peed off the roof you could murder someone with a spear of your frozen pee by the time it hit the ground. I don’t care if you’re from Fargo North Dakota or West Palm Beach Florida -18 is FML cold. But at least I didn’t have to set up this comedy of errors and sober pee murders.
You have to do the WORK!!!!- The Vikings and Minnesota University are asking for Volunteers to guarantee the game will get played. They need people to come to TCF Bank Stadium and help remove the record snow fall that destroyed the Metrodome. Yay I just got done digging my self out, wait what I gotta dig out the stadium. Yah I’m sure people are jumping all over the opportunity to put them selves out side doing manual labor so a bunch of millionaire premadonna’s can play football. That’s like getting Lindsey Lohan sober in time for a date with George Clooney. Let him do his own dam work.
This going to be such screw job to Vikings Fans it is can’t miss TV on Monday night. THANK YOU ESPN