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Alan Fish on Elevator Talk

I have no idea what to write today, I’m at my desk on my 6th Lemon Lime Air Borne of the day fighting off Gods birthday gift of a sore throat. I have no direction at all (the Sabres lost last night) in this article so I’m just going to rant about this lady I ran into this morning and how she aggravated me. Enjoy.

One thing I really hate is when you ride an elevator with someone and they are expecting you to have a conversation with them. Like I have nothing better to do but wait in a 4 by 4 room just to entertain you on a 28 second decent to the main lobby. That said, I get on the elevator in my building this morning (I live on the 4th Floor) for a short ride down to the lobby. This older woman gets on at the 3rd floor and starts talking to me like we went to camp together or something when we were kids.

Marco Di Lauro, Getty Images

She looked kinda like this

Here is our conversation on our brief 3 floor elevator ride together:

Her “It’s raining today”

Me “Yes it is”

Her “What are you up to?”

Me “Going to work”

Her “Is it raining there”

Me “I don’t know I’m not there yet”

It’s at this point the door opens, she turns to me and goes in a real sarcastic tone

“Thanks for the riveting conversation”

I was blown away, I’m just trying to ride an elevator to my car to get to work and this chick blows up on my because I did a crappy job entertaining her for 45 seconds in a small box  while a piano version of Duran Duran’s Rio played in the back ground. ARE YOU FREAKING SERIOUS???????

What did you want me to do mindlessly jump in a conversation about the weather 15 miles away from the building? What do you want to talk about next? Your new hair color? What it’s like visiting an OBGYN after a hot yoga class? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME???? I DON’T KNOW!!!

Peter Kramer, Getty Images

If this was here  i would of talked anything she wanted

The worst part of this is I asked the doorman on the way out, who the hell she was, and he said “I don’t think she lives here”.  what? WHAT? I’m sorry I’m spouse to entertain you while you’re on a walk of shame. I’m sorry that you made a mistake last night and fell for a guy who had tiger air brushed on his leather baseball cap (The Third floor is full of carnies).  Why didn’t you ask his 40 year old comic book collecting a$$ about the weather and leave the nicely dressed stranger in the elevator the hell alone. Go back to selling Fanny May and sleeping with guys who think lord of the rings was real and start getting your forecast from a freaking weatherman.

P.S. 4th FLOOR RULES

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