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Rank The Big Four’s All-Star Weekends

How would you rank the all-star game weekends?  Joe Bianchino shows you his ranking.

Mike Ehrmann, Getty Images

The NBA All-Star game will take place in Houston this weekend, and while watching ESPN’s various hosts break down the three-point contest, I was reminded of my indifference to and, to be honest, outright dislike for every all-star game.

But is this the all-star game I like least?  Which is the one I like best?  Is “like” even a term I can use to describe any of them?  These are the questions I was left pondering and what drove me to rank the four in order.

So here’s my subjective list, ranked from my least liked to most liked.

…Scratch that.  I’ve decided I can’t use like.  Ranked from most hated to least hated.

NFL’S PRO BOWL: I honestly think that if presented with the chance to watch the Pro Bowl or an entire season of Gilmore Girls, I’d take Gilmore Girls, and that’s not because I have a thing for bad, girly television – which I absolutely do.  It’s because the Pro Bowl is unwatchable dreck.  Nobody cares.  Nobody hits.  No one plays any defense.  And, really, no one tries – for God’s sake, after last year’s Pro Bowl, Aaron Rodgers essentially said he would rather skip the free trip to Hawaii then play in the game if the current effort level held. Essentially, the Pro Bowl is what everyone hates about the game today – inability to hit – multiplied by a factor of ten.

NBA: This game is equally as bad – we get it, alley-oops are cool – but the NBA’s All-Star Weekend has a few saving graces to keep it above the Pro Bowl.  One, certainly, is the Dunk Contest, which says more about how bad the Pro Bowl is than it does about how good the Dunk Contest is.  Maybe if I cared about anyone who participated I would think differently, but since this year’s group is headlined by Gerald Green, I think we can all agree the contest is kind of lame.  The celebrity game is what does it for me, though.  Not a great watch, but I’ll certainly check out Kevin Hart trying to post up Clyde Drexler.

NHL: The only television worse than the Pro Bowl and the NBA game is the NHL all-star game.  It’s just awful.  With that said, however, I must say that I, an admitted NHL-phile, dig the skills competition.  Breakaway, fastest shot, accuracy.  I like it.  I know the NBA has their own skills competition, but being an NHL fan, I like watching Sidney Crosby go one-on-one with Henrik Lundqvist more than I like watching Steve Novak throw up un-contested jumpers and Stave Nash dribble through a hoop, or whatever the hell it is they do.

MLB: Say what you want about Selig’s “Make the All-Star Game Count” plan – and since I’m no longer in grade school I can’t say much about it that’s favorable – you can’t deny that it has added intrigue to the game.  As a Yankee fan, I’m absolutely interested in who wins.  Add in the fact that the Home Run Derby still manages to attract stars and the simple truth that, unlike the the other three sports, there’s no stark difference between it and regular season play, and the MLB All-Star game is a resounding winner of my “Lesser of Four Evils” title.

How do you rank them?

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