Top 10 Reasons Fireman Ed Is Done As Jets Unofficial Mascot
The Jets fan base has lost a pillar of stability in the stands on Sundays, as longtime unofficial mascot and superfan Fireman Ed has decided that he is through leading the cheering section through chants and being a visible figure at games. Ed, whose real name is Ed Anzalone, has cited vitriol from his fellow Jets fans and the divisive nature of the quarterback controversy between Mark Sanchez and Tim Tebow as reasons for wanting reduced visibility at games. However, we here at 104.5 The Team know better than to take Fireman Ed at his word, and have compiled a list of the top ten real reasons that he will no longer lead the “J-E-T-S” chant at MetLife Stadium. (Note: these reasons are 100% made up and in no way are meant to represent the actual thoughts of Fireman Ed)
After watching Mark Sanchez run into the behind of his own offensive lineman, get blown back a few yards, lose the ball, and allow the Patriots to run it in for a score, he has come to realize that he is no longer the biggest ass at MetLife Stadium on any given Sunday.
Couldn't Afford A Tim Tebow Jersey
Firefighters tend to do pretty well for themselves financially, and rightfully so given the heroic work they do on a day to day basis. However, living in the New York/New Jersey metropolitan area is ridiculously expensive, which makes buying things out of impulse a challenge. It must have been pretty embarrassing for him to have to keep showing up to the stadium wearing the jersey of the second most liked quarterback on the team every week.
Decided To Go Back To Fighting Fires
After years of being called Fireman Ed by the Jets faithful, it is entirely possible that whispers began circulating that he couldn't do that his name suggested anymore. This sabbatical could end up taking him back to his roots, strengthening the fires inside of him to root for the Jets harder than anyone else.
Tebowmania Drove Him Insane
If my team was consumed by a pointless media firestorm about a guy whose best attribute on the field is his ability to lead the team prayer before and after the game, I would do far worse things than just stop being a visible member of their fan base. I would probably do something involving a clock tower and items that are readily available in Gilbert Arenas' locker.
Forgot How To Spell Jets
Things got pretty awkward at MetLife Stadium when instead of chanting "J-E-T-S, JETS, JETS JETS" the crowd was awkwardly thrust into a chant of "J-E-X-Q, JETS, JETS, JETS." I would be embarrassed too.
I mean listen, if a bunch of guys told me to take MY top off every week, I'd try to avoid them too. I'd say Fireman Ed is justified on this one.
When videos surfaced that appeared to be Rex Ryan's wife in homemade foot fetish films, Fireman Ed probably dismissed them right away as a hoax. But one meeting and a missing fireman boot later, and his opinion surely would have changed for the worse.
Wanted To Beat The Traffic
It's pretty hard to get out of a stadium in a timely fashion if you are expected by everyone in attendance to be there for every snap through thick and thin. Given the ineptitude of this Jets team, it's not hard to see why he'd want to use a little anonymity to get out of there faster when necessary.
After ten kids from eight different women, it was only a matter of time before Cromartie came calling for Fireman Ed, who was just a little too available from being at so many of the team's games. Plus, he was practically begging for it by wearing that suggestive fireman hat.
Not Even Fireman Ed Wants To Watch The Jets Anymore
I guess watching Shonn Greene run up the middle for two yards per carry, punting the ball, then watching the opposing offense score on a once great defense while chants of "TEBOW! TEBOW! TEBOW!" rain down from behind you isn't as sweet a gig as it sounds like.