Summer is around the corner. Its time to get reacquainted with “outdoors,” colloquially defined as that pesky, unpredictable region that you're forced to navigate between your house and your car. Outdoors is usually cold and windy, but during summer becomes radiant and awesome.

I know you didn't want to spend your winter ordering tons of takeout, banging out critically acclaimed dramas on Netflix and crushing beers to stay warm, but you did, and there's no better way to rectify the situation than by catching some rays and playing some sports outdoors. I know how busy all of you are, (I actually have no idea if any of you are busy at all) so I took some time perusing the sporting goods section of craigslist to scope out some bargains that will help you maximize your summer recreation in a manner that would make Leslie Knope smile. Here are some highlights:

This net comes with a priceless reservoir of good karma. The seller is not some lame square who goes fishing. He's a super fun dude who rallies the boys on Saturday mornin to get drivin, hit the lake, and get partyin. “Where are the boys at?” asks a bemused wife, she of the impending hair appointment and long list of errands. “Down to the lake. Gone fishin,” replies another. Not writing the “g” is everything. If you buy this net you will establish an essentially biblical dominion over area fisheries.

Everyone knows you can't enjoy a halfway decent backyard pickup battle if you have wild game traipsing all over your property. This trap is so effective that the owners have wrangled every wild animal in Glenmont and literally have no use for it anymore. At press time, unconfirmed reports lingered that they dropped all of the animals in your neighborhood. The brand name of this animal trap is “Havahart,” clearly a subtle dig at PETA. I see you, Havahart.

Good as a spare, but ideal for a peg-legged pirate with a passion for water sports and some expendable booty.

Major selling point? Adjustable height. You can play on a 10 foot rim for free at the park. You know what's worth somewhere between 40 and all of Mark Cuban's dollars? Slam dunk contests with the bros. Set the rim at 8.5. Throw down a windmill off the backboard. Smile at the ladies. Thank me later.

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