Mayweather Wants Out Of Jail Early? I Can Help.

So Mr. Mayweather, you don’t like prison, eh? According to your people, the food doesn’t meet your standards and you’re having a tough time adjusting to drinking tap water. Believe me when I say, I sympathize with your plight.

A lot of people will probably suggest that you shouldn’t have roughed up your ex-girlfriend; that beating her up in front of your own children is deserving of the 90 day sentence you’re serving. Listen, I’m not going to argue with them on that. Many, if not most, would agree with Prosecutor Lisa Luzaich which she said “It’s jail. Where did he think he was going? The Four Seasons?”

However, if you want out, I’ve got a potential solution. Fight Manny Pacquiao. If you’d rather serve the remaining 77 days of your prison term on “mansion arrest” then you’ve got to agree to spend those days training for a fight, and at the end of your sentence take on Manny. I mean, since your attorneys are claiming that this prison stay may ruin your boxing career, this would seem like a blessing for you. Oh, and the $50 million or so that you’d gross from that fight needs to be donated to charity. All of it.  I know that that may seem like a lot, but if prison is so awful then I’m sure it would be worth it. Plus, aside from beating women you’re a good guy, so giving some money to a worthy cause should be something you’d certainly be on board with. From my perspective, this seems like a “win, win” situation for you, the charity of your choice (or the judges’) and the oft-abused fans of boxing.

So, if you’re interested in taking me up on this, and if you’re not too “malnourished” to communicate, get in touch with me and I will draft up a proposal for the judge. Until then, please stop complaining about how tough jail life is; that’s whole point you idiot.