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Sink’s Super Bowl Predictions

Doug Pensinger, Getty Images

Okay, okay – so we’re a few hours away from Super Bowl XLV and now is the time for my predictions.  I’m not just going to give you the winner of the game, I’ll also going to predict EVERYTHING relevant that will happen tonight in Dallas.

You you ready?  Remember, these predictions are for entertainment purposes only – please no wagering.

Ben Roethlisburger: Contrary to popular belief, “Big Ben” wasn’t out late last night at an 18-and-over club.  No, Ben invited all of those college coeds to his hotel room instead.  It’s all good though as he’ll still throw for 219 yards and a  TD.

Aaron Rodgers: As much as I love him, I think Rodgers will “poop his pants in the post-season” today.  I just think the pressure will somehow get to him.  The Packers QB will throw for under 200 yards with at least 2 interceptions.

Your Super Bowl Party: Admit it, you were fired up about going to that random couple’s house for Super Bowl XLV.  But after 20 minutes, you soon realized that all of my predicted Super Bowl party guests had shown up.  Your least favorite – “Who is he? Guy”.  There’s always one of these dudes at every party.  No one really knows who they are.  No one claims them as their friend.  No one every really gets a clear explanation as to why they’re at the party.  Unfortunately, there will be far too many of these types at your gathering this year.

Rashard Mendenhall: This is where I think the Steelers will win the game.  Mendenhall, much like “Fast” Willie Parker in the Super Bowl a few years ago, will be the difference.  It’ll be a big game from #34 today.  He’ll torch the NFL’s 18th ranked run defense for at least 120 yards.

Black Eyed Peas: Finally, we’ll get a halftime show that doesn’t look like “Cocoon - Live on Broadway“.  We’ll get a relevant 2000′s group to entertain us.  They’ll open up with Let’s Get It Started and finish with their new song, “The Time (Dirty Bit)”. Due to strict FCC rules, we won’t get to hear “My Humps” or see any of Fergie’s goods – as it were.

James Starks: On Friday, I thought the Green Bay rookie RB could be the x-factor.  Wishful thinking I guess.  The Packers will try and establish the run early but that will be about as effective as shovelling a driveway full of snow with a teaspoon.  Starks won’t even break the 30-yard rushing mark.

Packers Defense: Although the Pack “D” comes into this game as the NFL’s 2nd best, they will not be able to come up with the big play at the right time.  Pittsburgh will dominate time of possession and make Matthews and Co. tired and worn out.

Cowboys Stadium “record” crowd: I use the term record loosely.  Jerry Jones will convince at least 10,000 Texas residents that paying $200 to sit outside the stadium and watch it on a giant HDTV is somehow part of the Super Bowl experience.  Don’t laugh, Texas is the same state that still thinks George W. Bush did great things for our country.

Steelers Defense: Defense wins championships and Pittsburgh will win another one thanks to the NFL’s most feared defense.  Harrison will be fined at least twice for illegal hits on Aaron Rodgers during this game.  By the end of the game, a groggy Rodgers will struggle to remember the name of the QB that proceeded him in Green Bay.

Commercials: This is what the Super Bowl is known for – those great commercials.  Advertisers will spend almost $3 million dollars for a 30 second ad.  I predict the VW/Darth Vader kid commercial will be this year’s winner.

Final score: Oh yeah, you want a score?  Ok, here goes.  The Steelers will win 20-13.  Although the game will never appear to even be that those as Pittsburgh will be in command for much of the game.  Mendenhall will be named Super Bowl MVP.

Don’t blame me if none of this comes true though.  Remember, this is for entertainment purposes only.

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