Adam Jones’ Public Relations Memo
Earlier today, 104.5 The Team obtained the unofficial memo that was sent out to Adam Jones and his camp prior to his first All Star Weekend appearance. We have X'd out the name of the author for legal reasons. Below is the memo, in its entirety.*
There are few moments in the career of a small market star that are more important than their first All Star weekend. This event is an opportunity for you to showcase your talents to the nation and let the fans get a feel for who you are as a person. It’s your coming out party, your career’s Bar Mitzvah, if you will.
Make sure that you take advantage of every opportunity to grow the Adam Jones Brand. If someone asks for an interview, take it. If you see a camera and some little kids, make sure to sign some autographs, or even play around with the youngsters (noogies are great, wedgies off limits). Let the adoring eyes of America see the type of fun loving guy you really are. They’ve been waiting for a new Ken Griffey Jr. for years, and we think you’re the just the star to fill that void. Be polite, soak it all in, and more than anything, be yourself.
Oh, and in the unlikely event that someone plops a fat stack of ribs in front of John Kruk at any point during the weekend, by golly you go eat the hell out of ‘em. Get your rib on Old School; I’m talkin’ no plates, no napkins, not even a chair. Don’t try and get a headset to talk with the Baseball Tonight guys either, just spend a good 20 to 30 minutes looming over the set stuffing your face full of those succulent meat sticks. Trust us, it’ll do wonders. Everyone loves ribs.
Congratulations on making your first All Star game, I’m confident you’ll do great.
VP of Athletic Public Relations
*104.5 The Team would like to reemphasize that this is an “unofficial memo” that may or may not actually be authentic… And by “may or may not” I mean that it 100% is not authentic.