How To Get Out Of Work And Watch The Tournament
It is that time of year again, when all become college basketball fans. We cheer for our favorite teams and alma maters to to make it to the big dance and if they do we need a plan so we're not stuck at our desks when they take the court. Here are the keys to calling in to work.
1) KISS is key...Keep It Simple Stupid! "I can't come in today I feel terrible." This isn't the time to name an illness that requires medical treatment or read a page of WebMD. Justfeel bad and I can't be there.
2) "The Devil is in the details! If you're really sick you wouldn't offer up random details. The more information you freely offer the more suspicious your boss will become! Only elaborate if you are asked direct questions. "What's wrong with you?" "I've been up sick all night." If the questioning persists this is where #3 comes in.
3) When pushed for greater detail tell them what they don't want to hear. It's gross and embarrassing to admit "Bathroom issues" but that's true for both sides. By taking the low road and saying things like "not sure I can even get off the bowl long enough to shower." most bosses will retreat as that nasty visual clutters their imagination.
4) No one likes a hero! If you feel the boss is truly on to you it may be time to pull the "Well if you really need me...I'll figure it our." If the boss calls your bluff and you have to go in, it is now on. You will need to go to the bathroom every 15-20 minutes, act up how terrible you feel and hope that they buy the act and send you home quickly.
5) Once you're clear it's important to keep a low profile! Best plan order a pizza and watch at home but if you must go out avoid places coworkers go and no matter how many beers you have to celebrate your teams big win NO FACEBOOK or TWITTER!!!
6) This is the time of year men get vasectomies. This is the nuclear option but you will be laid up on the coach with frozen peas in your lap and nothing to do but watch hoops.